A Cure For Those Lonely Nights Without Her

Breakup Blues

Most of the time you’re doing okay, when you’re caught up in work, working out, or getting things done. Everything seems almost fine until you get home. You know you won’t be having dinner with her tonight. She won’t be coming over to stay the night and you won’t be waking up with her tomorrow morning. It’s during those lonely nights that your mind becomes consumed with her. Memories come rushing back, and this nagging feeling that you won’t be creating any more of them, settles in.

You wonder why you feel so awful. During the day you seem to be fine, but it’s in those moments alone that it really hits you that she’s gone. And every time you feel this way it feels like you’re back at square one trying to get over her.

Why Am I In So Much Pain?

In those late night moments without her you may wonder why you’re feeling so strongly for her all of the sudden. It’s in those moments that you want to reach out to her even though you know you shouldn’t.

One main reason that nights are some of the worst parts during a breakup is because it’s during those times that you have downtime. It’ also during those times that you were used to spending your time with her.

Part of the reason that you’re feeling this way(and no it’s not that you’re going crazy!) is chemical. On some level, you are going through withdrawals. Yes, much like a drug! if you are used to spending evenings with your girl and now she’s gone, your brain still has to adapt to the fact that she is gone. A lot of people have this experience when go through a breakup like they have a “phantom limb”. They’re expecting certain things to happen that used to happen when they were with their that now are gone. Maybe she used to text you after work and you keep checking your phone now to see if she texted only to find that she hasn’t.

It’s these clues that your mind keeps unconsciously looking for to remind you of her that keep you stuck in longing.

How Do I Break This Cycle Of Pain?

If you find yourself stuck in this pattern, feeling like you’re moving forward during the day, then finding yourself lonely and back at square one at night, it’s time to break the cycle.

One very simple way to put an end to the loneliness is by starting to fill your evenings. This is the most common thing that people don’t do when going through a breakup.

You may feel low energy, like you don’t want to do anything. It’s possible that she was the social one out of the two of you and used to plan everything, and you feel like you can’t play that role. It’s easy to linger in the depression and forget that you have the power to get out of this funk.

One reason that women can get through breakups faster than men can is because they are naturally more social. If you want to get through those lonely nights you will need to interrupt the pattern of loneliness during your evenings.

Here are a few ideas for social activities that will help you create connection in your life in place of your ex girlfriend.

  1. Call a friend. This is the time to reconnect with your friends and family, especially if you have neglected some of your friendships while you were in your relationship.
  2. Make a female friend or spend more time with female friends you already have. Having a woman around will help you fulfill that feminine energy that’s currently missing from your life.
  3. Get active. If you’re sitting on your ass in front of the TV every night, go to the gym instead. Pick up a new hobby, sport activity, get involved with your church. Pick something novel and social that will help you come out of your cave.
  4. Donate your time. Contributing beyond oneself is the fastest way to fill yourself up with love and connection. Volunteer at your community center, or at a homeless shelter. Find a cause that speaks to you and give your time selflessly.

The key here is getting active, instead of allowing yourself to waste away in thoughts of your ex. It may be challenging at first, but remember that action builds momentum!

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