Did She Really Love Me?

Are You Questioning Her “True” Feelings For You?

I don’t have to tell you that a breakup can really start to make you question yourself, question your relationship, and even her true feelings.

It seems crazy that the girl who was crazy about you one minute is now acting like someone else. It feels like there is no love left from her. She’s acting cold and distant, or not talking to you at all.

After my last breakup I felt very lost and confused about what had really happened between my ex and I. One big question kept coming up for me and driving me crazy for months! I kept asking myself, “Did he really love me OR was he just not that into this?” I was hurt by how he seemed to be doing okay after we broke up. I sent him a very heartfelt email after the breakup wishing him well and he never responded to me. That “silence” drove me insane. It wasn’t like I had done something terribly wrong. Did he just not care? Or was he struggling with a response? I wanted to know the truth.

I would turn this question over in my mind, racking my brain for possibilities.

There Were Only Two Possible Answers…

He either did, or didn’t!

When I decided yes he did love me, I would start looking at all of the evidence for that answer. I would remember the way he touched me, the way he looked at me, the small sweet things he would do for me. When I thought about all of these ways he was good to me, it would make me miss him.

Then I would snap out of my trance and realize that he actually wasn’t here. Then I would think, “no, he didn’t really love me or he would be here with me, he would respond to my email, he would have at least told me the truth about he felt, even if it hurt… If he loved me. He wouldn’t have agreed to end it so quickly he would have wanted to work on it… he would have been willing to make compromises about some of the issues we were having.”

Finally, I realized that I was going in circles. I realized that I was letting this one question, rule my mind.

In my case, the truth was that no answer was good enough for me. When I thought that he really did care for me, it would make me wonder why we weren’t together and would make me miss him terribly… & and when I thought that he never did love me it would make me feel like our entire relationship was a lie, that I had been lied to by him and it would make me angry for falling for him.

I Couldn’t Win!

It was then that I wondered, what was I really looking for? I knew I wasn’t getting any closer to an answer so why was I obsessing over this one thing?

What I realized scared me. And I realized that by continuously asking myself this question that kept me going in a loop was actually a cover up for something else that I was thinking,… something that I didn’t want to come to terms with.

I was actually looking for a reason to stay hung up on him. I know that rationally that doesn’t make sense, but I was, some part of me wanted to keep my mind occupied.

I knew that I wanted to be over him. But the truth is that I also knew that if I really let him go, if I really stopped driving myself crazy wanting to know an answer to something that actually made little difference to my life, now, without him.

…that something scary would happen…

See, he was my last love, he was the one I really thought I could spend my life with. If he was truly gone from my life, my heart, and from my mind, what would I have?

I would have nothing. I wouldn’t have him, and I wouldn’t have anyone. I wouldn’t have anyone that I could be crazy over, whether we were together or not. Whether it was healthy or not. I wouldn’t have anyone to miss, to think about, to long for.

What was behind my question was a fear. If I kept asking myself what his true feelings were for me then I could avoid the one thing that I was most afraid of.

The fear of being alone.

And everything that came with that fear. So, that I didn’t have to think about starting all over again with someone new. So that I didn’t have to think about getting hurt again. So that I didn’t have to think about if there was someone else out there for me, and the frightening possibility that there wasn’t.

I want to ask you what is behind your unanswered question?

What Are You Secretly Afraid Of?

Step outside of this idea that the question you’re asking is important, and look at it as if it’s just 1 question among many. At times, we create these mental facades to cover up emotions that run deeper. Emotions that outline our deepest fears.

After I realized what I was really trying to cover up, some of my most annoying questions about him subsided.

I came face to face with my fear, and though that fear still comes up for me sometimes, even now, I realize that it doesn’t have much to do with him. I also realize that my fear is irrational, that I have people who love me.

I am dating and enjoying meeting awesome people all of the time… my single life gives me freedom and is a lot of fun. I also remind myself that my life would be really different if I was tied down to someone right now, and even more different if I was tied down to the wrong person.

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