The #1 Reason You Can’t Forget “Her”

Do You Feel Like You’re Going Crazy Thinking About Her?

Does everything you do remind you of her?

One moment you finally feel like you’re doing okay… and the next moment you’re in the pit of depression.

These “ups and downs” are really starting to get to you and you just want the pain to go away.

Why Does Everything Remind Me Of Her?

When going through a breakup it’s common to feel like you’re seeing your ex everywhere. When I say “everywhere”, I mean everywhere in your mind. Random things constantly remind you of her… I remember when my ex and I broke up, it drove me crazy to even prepare a salad. He taught me how to make this special salad dressing when we were together, so when we broke up I kept making it, but every time I would make it I would sit there eating the stupid salad, missing him, and feeling like I wanted to throw up.

Instances like these are called “emotional triggers”. Things in your environment, or actions that you take that spark a memory of her. Emotional triggers can also come from topics in a conversation. Someone brings up “ice cream” and you remember that she loved ice cream OR that the two of you enjoyed getting ice cream together… As you can see it’s an icky spiral into The Giant Miserable Pit of thoughts and emotions about “her”.

How Do You Get Out Of The Pit?

There are a few ways to nurse yourself back to sanity and help get her out of your head. The first is that you have to actually want to get over her!

Seems simple enough, right! You may be thinking, “of course, I want her out of my head”. The ugly truth, though, is that we are emotional “self-cutters”. If you’ve ever stalked your ex’s FB page. You, my friend, are an emotional self-cutter. If you have driven by her house, or dug up pictures of her and reminisced for hours, you are definitely an emotional self-cutter.

When my ex and I broke up and I was eating that damn salad dressing, it was driving me insane, yet I kept doing it because it reminded me of him, until I truly wanted to stop feeling like shit!

It was the day that I said “no” to that fucking salad dressing, said “no” to checking to see if he had logged onto his OkCupid account that day, said “no” to compulsively checking my inbox to see if he had responded to my last email I sent him, then being disappointed to find that he hadn’t.

Easier Said Than Done

So, you’ve decided that you’re going to stop self-cutting! Congratulations! Now what?

Tip: Write down all of the triggers.

Create a list of all of the things that remind you of her. All of the seemingly “innocent”, almost automatic actions you take that have you winding up in The Pit.

If you can identify the triggers, then you can start to have control over them. You will have to work backwards to discover the emotional triggers. For me, working backwards looked like this:

Example: Why am I feeling like shit and thinking about him? → What am I doing? Eating → What am I eating? His salad dressing → I’m making the salad dressing because it reminded me of him, and I enjoyed the time we spent in the kitchen together.

Stop Eating The Dressing

When I finally decided it was time to move on from my ex, and yes it was a conscious decision. For a little while, I decided to not entertain those triggers that reminded me of him. I stopped eating the salads we used to make together, I made him unsearchable in the settings on my OkCupid, etc…

You might try to rationalize yourself out of the actions that you need to take to seriously lay off of the self-cutting. You might say, “why do I have to disable my FB account just because of her?” or “why do I have to stop going to this restaurant that I really love just because it reminds me of our date nights?”.

The actions you are choosing to take are only temporary. You can go back to doing all the same things that you love doing, you’re just giving yourself time to break these associations with her. Once you have some distance from the triggers, you can then form new memories associated with the same things you used to associate with her. For example, taking a break from your Facebook for a month will help you stop getting into those modes where you’re constantly imagining and wondering who she’s with and what she’s doing because you were looking at her FB and know where she went to dinner last night.

You’re giving your mind room to breathe. You’re giving your brain room to start creating new memories independent of the old ones you had with her.

Break your emotional triggers and break free from the painful reminders that keep you stuck on her.


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