Trying To “Repair” The Relationship Post-Breakup Will Only Hurt Your Chances With Her

“But, I’ve Changed!”

Do you keep trying to get her back by telling her you have changed? Sure, you made some mistakes but you see where you did wrong and you’re willing to work on it.

Or maybe they were really big mistakes, ones that she feels are irreparable, like infidelity.

Whatever that “wrong” was, now you’re desperately trying to make it “right”! Yet, she’s having none of it. She’s saying it’s too late, or that she doesn’t want to hear it. Or maybe she’s just stopped talking to you all together.

If you’ve been trying to “fix” things between you and her, but nothing seems to be working, there’s one big thing that you’re missing. Learn this one thing and you might get her attention, again.

“You F*cked Up! It’s Too Late!”

If this sounds like something she’s been saying, then pay attention because it’s true. It doesn’t mean it’s too late for the two of you, though, it just means that it’s too late to fix that problem from your old relationship, now.

So, you made a mistake, and before the two of you could work on it in the relationship she broke up with you. Or maybe she asked you to work on it and you never did.

Trying to fix the problem or telling her that you’ll work on it now is actually hurting your chances with her. Here’s why…

It’s healthy and normal to work on problems when you are still in the relationship. The reason that it’s not working now is because she doesn’t see you in the same light. She no longer sees the two of you as a “unit” and doesn’t feel obligated to work on anything. She closed that argument, mistake, or problem for herself when she took actions to end it with you, or at the finality of the breakup if it was your decision.

Trying To “Fix” Things Is Pushing Her Away

If the two of you are broken up, and you are still begging and pleading with her or trying to get in her good graces, it’s only going to push her away.

Since she no longer views the two of you as in a relationship, she will unconsciously see your efforts as unattractive or weak. I know that might sting a little, but a lot of this unconscious for her. She just feels that she’s lost attraction, yet probably couldn’t tell you the reason why.

The good news that you can stop trying to fix things and still get her attention, again, and get her to reconsider her decision.

The “Clean Slate Effect”

One way to look at your current interactions with your ex girlfriend is with a “Clean Slate”.  This doesn’t mean that the problems from the past are gone and forgotten. It also doesn’t mean that if you got back together that the two of you shouldn’t make agreements to avoid the same issues from happening in the future.  What it does mean is this is an opportunity for her to see you as the strong “new” man that you are.

No woman likes to see a man groveling on his knees. I know it might seem romantic, but if you look at any of your recent behavior, some part of you probably feels like you’re not being yourself, that you’re acting desperate or needy.

The truth is that if the two of you decide to get back together and have a successful relationship she would need to forgive the past, and  you would need to forgive yourself. Why? Because no solid foundation is built off of mistrust and past resentments.

This is the part where strength comes in. It’s time to accept the actions that you have taken and move forward. If you look back at a time where someone had crossed you, did you really want that person to suffer for their misdeed, and bow at your feet for all eternity, or did you want them to apologize, take responsibility, and start to re-build trust with you?

There is strength in acceptance and forgiveness. If you have made your apologies to her, truly from a place of taking responsibility, then it’s time to start acting like yourself, again. You have a clean slate that you can build a new healthy relationship from. Your old relationship is over.

So, from this place, what would you want to build? Flirtation? Trust? Fun? Passion? Dedication? Then act in accordance with what you want to create with her from here on out.


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